Merge Wright: Bumper Stickers And More

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Bumper Snickers and more

I know many of us enjoy reading vanity license plates and often trying to figure out what they’re saying or mean. Some are simple, some difficult. Bumper stickers which are not as popular today as they once were are another story. They’re more popular nowadays on Face Book than on bumpers. Easier to remove on Face Book (delete) I guess then trying to scrape them off your bumper six months from now when you’ve found a new one that has a better meaning. A special thank you to a reader down in the Ceasers Creek Lake region for sending me her list of many. I selected my favorite seven.

Bumper Snickers followed by My Comments

7. I’m so old, I don’t buy green bananas I can’t take the bananas with me.

6. Cremation…..Thinking outside the box too claustrophobic inside.

5. Florida….God’s waiting room, I’d be inviting ANYONE behind me to be next all the time.

4. I’m Retired….I was tired yesterday, I’m tired again today and I’ll be tired again tomorrow I’m retired.

3. I was always taught to respect my elders….I don’t have anyone to respect anymore except myself (finally).

2. I asked my wife if old men wear boxers or briefs…...she said, “Depends” (WHAT?)

1. Senior Campbell’s Soup…...new larger “24” font alphabet soup now I can read what I’m eating.

Most of the security firms ADT, Guardian, Alarm Zone and hundreds of others throughout the country charge anywhere from $25 a month to over a $100 a month depending on what system you lease. Is there a system that works almost as perfect, that guarantees criminals will pass up your home when you’re gone and not cost a dime? Yes there is. It’s called Bubba’s Big Dog Security System and here’s how it works (3 easy steps)

1. Go to the Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots and dirty em up real good.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine. (wrinkle it up a tad)
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines buy a small bag of dog food sprinkle a few bits around the dishes, it’ll need replaced every week or so then add a tad of water in one dish. Add a picture of your Pit Bulls Killer and Wolfe and your two German Shepherds Mayhem and Moose on your front storm door. Google has great scary dog pictures. That should do it. Home sweet home thanks to Bubba and the dogs.

Do you remember back in 2012 when Fiat introduced making coffee in your car while you’re driving. Percolate on the interstate was not a good idea I thought. Going through a fast food drive thru for that cup of Joe would no longer be necessary. You could percolate right there in your ride. Add some cream a shot of hazelnut, some sweetener and mix it all up with a stirrer stick while you’re in the fast lane driving with your left knee in rush hour traffic. Complete common sense was going to leave the highway if you bought a new 2012 Fiat. Evidently it didn't work disappearing faster than it arrived. I was prepared to avoid any new Fiats while driving thinking they could be percolating. Some things come and then are gone in the twinkling of an eye.

By the way I’m not that old yet so I buy Campbells young senior 18 font alphabet soup. Drop me a note at mergewright@yahoo.com an let me know whats happening in your neck of the woods.

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