Farrah Rudd: Friendship Is Not Just A Request On Facebook

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Friendship is not just a request on Facebook:

We spend our young, some would call it the best years of our lives, trying to get & make friends, worried if we are not the “cool kid“, trying so hard. Then suddenly just to find in our 40s the friends we worked so hard to get aren’t friends at all. What does friendship mean to you? Maybe it means something different to everyone. I don’t remember being set-aside in school learning what friendship is and what it isn’t. Sure, our parents taught us how to be a friend but did they know how to be a friend?

I have been let down by friends more now than ever before in the last couple of years so much it’s absolutely disheartening. Apparently what I was taught was a friend is not what some people are taught. Now listen, I’m not going to write and pretend I’ve never been a let down to one of my friends because we have all done that. That’s where forgiveness comes in. So what happens when a friend lets you down knowing what they’ve done and they don’t ask you for forgiveness. Go back and read my column last week.

Friendship is defined as: “the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.” That doesn’t really tell us much so let’s look at the word friend; “A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.”

Speaking of friends: I had a conversation with a friend the night before last and she and I both could not quite understand why a friend wouldn’t want the best for you. What is the gain of calling yourself a friend only to tear down the other person. These are all just thought-provoking questions, I don’t know if I’ll ever know the answer to them but I think we’ve all experienced this in our life at least once. Let me make it clear when I write about this subject I don’t necessarily have a situation in my life with the subject. I get motivation and creativity, ideas and such from all walks of life, it’s not just what I’m dealing with in the moment. I try to cover topics we have all dealt with. Sometimes a question makes me go deeper, thank you psychology degree.

I believe friendship should be a circle of trust. Someone you can count on to be a safe landing place for you and for your non-harmful secrets

or things you wouldn’t want the world to hear. I believe we all deserve to have that person in life. And if you do have those friendships, don’t take them for granted. I don’t know if it’s Covid or the fact that I’ll be closer to 50 than 40 at the end of this year or the other fact that I’ve been hurt so many times by “friends“, but I have a strong belief that we all should have friends we can count on, talk to, have our back and most importantly trust. So if you do, don’t take it for granted. I mean it so much I had to say it twice.

One of my friends sent me a card one time that said “friendship is someone who knows all about you and still loves you “. I miss her. If she’s reading this you never said much but when you did it mattered. And I remember.

So next time you answer a friend request, remind yourself of what kind of friend you’re going to be.

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